Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
