Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize