Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
