we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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