Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
