Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
