i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
