I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
