The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
