fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
