I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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