plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
