I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
