I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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