Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
