Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize