HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
