and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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