I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
