We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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