it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
