I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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