Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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