I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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