Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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