I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
