I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
