I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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