Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize