Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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