Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
