I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
