"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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