I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
