Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
