Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
