I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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