1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
