She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
