I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
