"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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