I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
