their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
