it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
