I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
