im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
