I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
