can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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