I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
