youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
