it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Your cock deserves a montage
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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