I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
