she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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