I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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