Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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