i think i have herpe
just one?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
