Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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