Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
