I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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