We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
