You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
