I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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