'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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