I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize