He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
