I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
