Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
