And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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