Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize