Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this boner is exhausting
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
