fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
