I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
